When someone or something you care about dies - like a relative or pet - you might suddenly feel very different. Everyday life might seem more difficult.   Bereavement is the process of adjusting to life without that important person or pet.  

People might not understand what bereavement and grief feels like for you.   

You can get help to cope with a bereavement.
 

How might a bereavement affect me?  

When someone or something you care about dies, you may show your grief in one or more of these ways:  

• anger  
• feeling more restless than usual  
• sleeping differently  
• eating differently  
• feeling that you need more help from others  
• not being able to do things you could do before  
• feeling less confident.  

You may also show some feelings that other people aren’t expecting:   

• not feeling grief or sadness  
• feeling grief and sadness after other people do  
• feeling more angry than you usually do  
• feeling excitement.  

You might find it difficult to express or understand how you are really feeling.  

You might find it hard to understand death. You might not know how you are supposed to behave when someone dies.   

The death of someone or something close to you may feel absolutely awful. You might need to give yourself time to deal with your feelings about what has happened. You might need to ask for extra help from people around you.  

Other autistic people have said that they feel differently about death to people who are not autistic.  

Autistic people have said that they:  

• might react differently to how other people expect them to  
• might find it hard to understand their emotions  
• may or may not cry or behave in an emotional way  
• might show a delayed or extreme emotional response  
• might experience an increase in their autistic traits, like sensory differences, meltdowns and shutdowns  
• might find it harder to organise, plan and concentrate on tasks. These skills are also known as executive functioning  
• may have difficulty understanding what to do in social situations such as hospital visits and funerals.
   

What can I do?  

It is hard for everybody to deal with death.    

It might make your daily life seem more difficult for a while. You might find that these things will help you.  

• Talk about what is happening with friends and family. This can help you to understand how you are feeling and it is good to find out how other people are feeling too.  
• Find out what it might be like when you go to hospitals or funerals and wakes. You might find it helpful to visit the place that the funeral will be held before it happens, or look at pictures of the place where the funeral or wake will take place. If you know what to expect, the situation can feel easier.  

Autistic people have said that they felt they needed additional support with the grieving process.  

There are many types of counselling and therapy, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which has been shown to be effective for some autistic people. If you would like to access therapy, you can do this through your GP or privately.  

You or your doctor, can ask if the service is autism-friendly. All talking therapies should be adapted to be effective for autistic people.
 

Useful links and online resources  

• Autism and bereavement, Purple Ella  
• Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief, Karla Fisher