When were you all diagnosed as autistic and what made you seek diagnoses?

My husband Daniel was diagnosed at 23-years-old. He was diagnosed quite quickly, after three thorough assessment sessions with the Wiltshire Autism Diagnostic service.  

I was also diagnosed by that service, but it wasn’t until May 2019. I originally went for an assessment for adult ADHD back in October 2018. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder in 2014. The mental health service started to question these diagnoses, after four years of working with me, and suggested I get assessed by a specialist.  

I paid an educational psychologist privately. I wanted to find out why I had struggled so much in school so I got her to assess me with this - I thought I might be dyslexic or have other learning difficulties. It took quite a while. We had two or three thorough sessions, and she mentioned that I had been showing traits of not just ADHD but autism. She told me to take the report to my doctors and explain that I’d like to be referred for further assessments for these reasons.  

My doctor had known me for a while. She was very understanding and had actually agreed that I may be autistic. She was surprised that I wasn’t diagnosed already as she said she could see a lot of traits in me. She said she never mentioned anything as she thought I was diagnosed as a child! It was quite a lot to take in.  

My son Leo was diagnosed very early. He had a lot of specialists involved, from the age of two. When he started playgroup, one of his key workers said they noticed a lot of autistic traits. It took another two years until he was officially diagnosed just because of how young he was. 

What is being autistic like for you?  

It took us until we were both diagnosed to understand not to take each other's behaviour too much to heart, as we do still love and care for each other. We're just a bit different compared to non-autistic married couples. We do still find it hard now and then, but it is nowhere near as bad as before.

A lot of our issues stem from miscommunication, and lack of empathy on Daniel’s side. I’ve always been the opposite, as I have too much empathy. I have had to teach Daniel about that, and explain to him why I get upset, or if he says something that I find rude or upsetting. Telling him makes more of a difference. I used to just keep it to myself, as he’s not always aware of when he has upset someone unintentionally. I don’t regret marrying him though. He understands me so well and it’s all worth it. 

Do you have any Christmas tips for autistic people who may find the recent changes difficult? 

How did you get into interior design, and what inspires your designs? Does being autistic influence your approach to your work? 

To be honest I’ve never known what to do as a career. I've always jumped from one subject to the next. I kept myself in education for a long time, as I like to learn things and gather more and more information. I originally studied an I.T course. I enjoyed it a lot but I knew it still wasn’t what I wanted to do. 

I never actually knew there was a career in interior design as I never looked into it. Growing up, I was always the tidy one. I would always get bored of how my home would look, and would want to make changes, but I never knew why. I assumed it was something to do with my OCD. I then discovered my OCD was linked to my autism diagnosis, so who knows? Being autistic could have influenced my approach to this type of work.  

I really enjoy interior design, especially the technical drawings around floor plans, elevations and 3D rendering. When I was studying I.T, I knew was getting close to what I really wanted to do for work as technical drawings involve I.T.  

I also know my ADHD also played a part in this, as I get bored easily. Because interior design is so varied, it gives me that motivation to carry on! 

With the festive season approaching, how do you feel about Christmas in general?  

Honestly, we don’t ever get too festive about Christmas and never normally have. I think the best time for me was when I was around Leo’s age (Leo is six) but now it just gets quite boring for my husband and me.   

We’ve made things extra festive this year just because of the pandemic. It's just been a really bad year. However, it did make us realise that we should be making the most of Christmas and other important times. Being around our family is what we love most, even if it gets quite overwhelming and loud at times.