You may believe that someone you know - be it a partner, sibling, colleague, friend – is autistic, but undiagnosed. How do you broach the subject with them sensitively?  

What is the best way to raise the subject? 

Choose a time when you and the person are alone and both in a positive mood. People are more receptive to ideas if they are relaxed. It would be much harder to discuss during an argument, when other people are present, or when the person is feeling stressed or upset. 

The best way to start your conversation may be to say something like: 'I read something in the paper/heard a radio programme about autism and some of the characteristics sounded familiar, so I looked for more information on the National Autistic Society website.’ 

Autistic people can have difficulty processing information, so be careful not to bombard them with too many details at once. They may also find it hard to understand your intentions, or read your body language or facial expressions. This can cause frustration or anxiety and make it harder for the person to understand what you are saying. 

Have some written information about autism to hand. Reading through the written information together may make it easier for the person to process the information than a conversation on its own. They can also read it again in their own time. 

Talking to the person is not the only way of broaching the subject. You could write them a letter or an email. This will give you time to plan exactly what you want to say and allow them more time and space to digest it. 

How will the person react? 

People who are told that they may be autistic could react in a number of ways, eg confusion, denial or relief. 

The person may become confused because they have not heard of autism. They may go into denial and say they feel that their difficulties are due to other factors. Or they may experience a sense of relief because they have always known they were different and autism provides the explanation they never had. 

In many cases, you will be able to guess the kind of reaction you will get. It is important not to dwell on negatives and give the person some positive information about autism. 

Should they get a diagnosis? 

If you feel it is the right time, you may be able to talk about getting a diagnosis. 

To get a better idea of whether or not they are autistic, the person could try taking the Autism-spectrum Quotient test. This won't give them a diagnosis but will help to measure their autistic traits. They may be more accepting of the possibility when it is measured in this way, rather than through the things that others notice about them. 

Some autistic people feel that there is little point in seeking a diagnosis as it will not significantly change their life. The decision rests entirely with that person. However, there can be some advantages to getting a diagnosis.

Next steps

• Find out more about autism
• Find out more about diagnosis for adults
• Contact us for help and advice.